LOVE & LOSS, LIVE & LOSE
by Katie Cipriano
Summary: Rose and Dimitri struggle to keep their emotions in check at all times, but that night with Victor's lust charm still haunts Rose. She holds onto the hope that she and Dimitri can sort this out, but then an old friend makes her appearance. The question is; will Rose be able to keep the love of her life or will she lose him forever? Or will she lose herself?
1. An Old Friend

Grinding my teeth, I attacked him again, and again he dodged me.

"Come _on!_" I cried, pressing a hand to my ribcage.

"You need to concentrate, Rose." I met Dimitri's eyes, giving him a full on glare. "I am concentrating!" I snapped, and went for him again. I hadn't gotten in a single blow for a full two hours, and it was starting to get to me.

"You're too tired. We need to call it a quits."

There was no way I was going to admit it, but I was glad he'd called it a quits. I actually was exhausted.

"You should have called it a quits ten minutes ago, Dimka. She looks as if she's going to pass out."

I snapped around, and a girl stepped out of the shadow. She wore a black pencil skirt, a white blouse and a black blazer on top. From her outfit, I immediately knew she was a guardian. I hadn't seen anyone pull off the guardian look as well as she did, though. She had long, wavy brown hair and her deep brown eyes shone beautifully, her skin fairly pale. She also had an amazing figure even I envied.

What caught me most was her British accent, thought there was a hint in it telling me it wasn't her native language.

"_Katarina?_" Dimitri sounded surprised, shocked even. Which shocked me.

"I use Katie now. It blends in easier with the crowd." Katarina flashed me a smile showing off all her pearly white teeth. "I'm taking it you're a student of his, eh?"

I nodded, dumbfounded.

"He's a harsh teacher."

I nodded, frowning. "How would you know?"

She laughed. "He taught me everything I know."

My eyes swept to Dimitri who now stood right beside me, then back to Katarina.

"How do you two know each other?" From the look on Katarina's face, I felt embarrassed for asking such a question. She clearly thought I already knew.

"Rose, Katarina is an old friend of mine," said Dimitri, and I gave her a polite smile. He'd once told me he had sisters, but I never considered he'd befriended anyone … female. Apparently he had, and she was now smiling at me.

"What are you doing here?" asked Dimitri, though he hugged Katarina long and hard. It was clear on his face he'd missed her, and I felt a stab of jealousy.

"Em wanted to visit her brother, so naturally I had to tag along. Didn't mind though, since I got to see you." She flashed him a warm smile, but is disappeared quickly. She pushed her index finger into his chest. "Because I haven't heard from you in years, because you never visit, you never call – you don't even bother with a stupid letter or postcard."

Dimitri winced, and I couldn't wipe away the smile of my face. I probably wouldn't even if I could.

"I've been … busy."

"For three years? Too busy to say hi?"

"You haven't spoken in three years?" I asked, disbelief clear in my voice.

"No he has not. Ever since he came here, he's gone off the radar."

Katarina didn't seem very happy, though I didn't blame her. I would've been pissed, too, if Lissa had gone off radar for three years.

"Who's your Moroi?" I asked, hoping to get both of their attention. Maybe even lighten up Katarina's mood, but I had no such luck.

"Emily Ozera," she answered bluntly, though she took a step away from Dimitri.

"Ozera?" I had only known of two other Ozera's alive – Brett, who was distantly related to Christian, and Tasha.

"Yes." Katarina gave me a puzzled look, as if not understanding why this was such a shock for me. Naturally, she had no idea so I couldn't exactly blame her.

"Can we talk?" asked Katarina, now directing her question to Dimitri. He nodded, and then he addressed me, "you can go early, Rose."

I wanted to protest, but I decided against it and hurried to see Lissa instead. Because where Lissa was, Christian was.

Through the bond I realised she was at the library, and with a light jog and closed the distance in a matter of minutes.

"Aren't you supposed to be training with Dimitri?" asked Lissa as I slid into the seat next to her. Christian was nowhere in sight.

Typical.

"A friend came visiting. Sort of," I said, "Where's Christian?"

Lissa frowned, "I don't know. Haven't seen him."

I rolled my eyes. Why was it that the one time I needed him, he was gone?

"Any idea where he could be?"

Lissa shrugged. "His dorm?"

Of course.

"Thanks!" I answered hastily before jogging my way over to Christian's dorm, and I felt smug when I actually did find him.

Except he wasn't alone.

"Rose?" Christian gave me a puzzled glance, but my eyes where on the girl sitting beside him on the sofa. They shared the same ice blue eyes, and the same Moroi pale skin. Her hair was different, though. It seemed auburn, but had a tinge of a stronger red colour, which was currently pulled up in an extremely messy bun.

"So you _do_ have a sister," I stated, and the girl I presumed was Emily gave me a warm smile. She stood up and offered me her hand. "I'm Emily. It's nice to finally meet the notorious Rosemarie Hathaway." She flashed me a brilliant smile.

I accepted her hand, "the honour is mine, Lady Ozera."

"Please, no titles. It makes me queasy." She grimaced. "I've heard a lot about you, though. You've got quite the reputation, and Chris has told me a lot of nice things about you."

"Have not," muttered Christian, now standing as well.

"You don't have black hair," I pointed out, once more speaking before thinking.

She just smiled at me, thankfully, and I took it as a sign she wasn't annoyed or irritated.

"The black hair comes from Daddy's side of the family," she said, and I had to control myself so my jaw didn't hang open at her mention of "daddy". "I've go mum's hair."

"Oh." Really, that was the best response I could come up with. What else was I supposed to say?

Then I noticed another difference.

"You speak British!"

I could see Christian roll his eyes, but ignored him. I wasn't interested in him. Emily just continues to smile at me. "I've lived in London for a few years now, and the accent kind of gets to you after a while."

I nodded, finally looking over at Christian. "You never told me you had a sister."

He shrugged is a nonchalant way. "Never came up."

Emily suddenly frowned and turned to her brother, "have you seen Katarina?"

Christian shook his head.

"She's with Guardian Belikov," I said.

"Belikov?" gasped Emily and both Christian and I frowned.

"Which Belikov?"

"Dimitri," I said, my frown growing. Emily knew Dimitri? How?

"Where is he?"

"I can take you to him?" I suggested. I wanted to see this.

She beamed at me, "that would be _great_."

And so I started to walk down to the gym again, Emily walking silently beside me. Christian had gone off to see Lissa.

I pushed the door open, and breathed out in relief to see Dimitri still there. He and Katarina sat on a bench and were talking together. Dimitri was even smiling, which is insanely rare.

"Um, Dimitri?" I felt uncomfortably small as I spoke up and Dimitri turned to me, though his smile fell immediately when he noticed whom I'd brought.

I looked over at Emily, and he face was just as blank as his, but her eyes glowed.

Dimitri stood and walked over to us, and I shuffled away a bit, not feeling like standing in the middle of this.

He clasped Emily's face in his hands, and the spike of jealousy I'd felt when he'd hugged Katarina was nothing like what I was feeling now.

From the look in their eyes, it dawned on me.

Emily wasn't just someone Dimitri knew. She was someone he cared about.

_A lot._


	2. A Broken Heart

"_What_ is going on here?" I demanded, absolutely not pleased about the way Dimitri was looking at Emily.

Emily suddenly launched herself in Dimitri's arms, and he held her even tighter than he had Katarina. I narrowed my eyes. Emily had been nice when she introduced herself, but that did not mean I was fine with her throwing herself all over _my_ Dimitri.

"I've missed you so much, Dimka."

_DIMKA?_

"I've missed you, too, Emmy."

_EMMY?_

Realising I wasn't going to get anywhere with them, I turned to Katarina. I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her away so we were out of earshot. Not that I think neither Emily nor Dimitri would have heard. I gritted my teeth.

"How do those two know each other?" I ask, trying to keep myself calm. I tried my best to sound curious, and from on the look on Katarina's face I succeeded.

"They have a long history," she said and I gritted my teeth even further, fearing I might need to visit the dentist soon.

"What kind of history?"

"They met when they were 15. Emily had been sent to Russia on an internship. Dimitri took her under his wing and they became friends."

I turned to look over at Dimitri and Emily, who were now in deep conversation. They had most certainly been more than just _friends._

"Then what?" I pushed, and a bit of venom slipped into my tone. If Katarina noticed she didn't say anything. "They started dating, but of course Emily had to go back to America where she studied. So, Dimitri followed her." Katarina shrugged. "I wasn't happy about my best friend leaving me, but I didn't have much of a say in it. So I came along as well."

Not much renders Rose Hathaway speechless, but Katarina made it seem easy.

"We finished our education and I was signed to another friend of ours - Ivan, while Dimitri was assigned to Emily. Due to her parents betrayal she was denied two guardians, but pushed to get Dimitri."

"But… But you're her guardian!"

Katarina's expression turned pained for a brief moment before slipping back to impassive. "I lost my charge. I was unfocused for a mere moment, but it was all that the Strigoi needed to take him and knock me out."

I turned this over in my head, feeling bad for Katarina. "Were you close with Ivan?" I asked, and I was slightly impressed that Katarina managed to keep her expression blank. I don't think I would've been able to.

"Yes," she answered, and her eyes pinned me. I didn't look away, but met her eyes and saw the hidden meaning behind her words.

"How did you become Emily's guardian?" I asked to change back to the former subject, and Katarina slightly relaxed. Slightly.

"Dimitri was offered to come here and teach, and he loves to teach. He loves to share, so of course he couldn't turn down the offer. So I took his place as Emily's guardian. He left quite abruptly, and I don't think Emily really ever got passed him."

So, Dimitri had unfinished business with an ex-girlfriend.

"What about Tasha Ozera?" I asked, recalling how flirty they'd been together.

Katarina looked confused. "What about her?"

"Well, when she was here it was quite obvious she … that she liked him. A lot. She even offered him to be her guardian…" I let it hang in the air, and from Katarina's now not-so-blank expression it was obvious she was surprised, and that she knew what I was getting at.

"Natasha always treated Dimitri nice, but I never thought more of it. If she… Back then…" Katarina shook her head and that blank expression was back. "I don't know anything about Dimitri and Natasha."

From how Katarina kept saying Tasha's full name, I got the feeling that she didn't get along with Christian's aunt very well.

"Katarina?"

Emily's voice made me turn, and I felt jealousy's ugly head rise higher. Emily's hand lay on top of Dimitri's, and God help me, they're finger were laced together.

"Yes, Emily?" Katarina was approaching them, and I followed.

"I need to do some shopping." Emily stood, but do you think she let go of Dimitri's hand? No.

God, I was really starting to despise these Ozera-women. First Tasha, now Emily. Why did they have to all have history – and feelings – for Dimitri? He was supposed to be mine.

She hugged once more before they thankfully let go of each other. "We need to talk more," ushered Emily and Dimitri nodded his agreement. "Certainly."

Soon Emily and Katarina exited, but not soon enough in my opinion.

I shot Dimitri my blackest glare, but she was standing with his back to me. He was cleaning up from our training session, and I stalked up to him.

"_Why_ do you have to be involved with every Ozera woman?" I snarled, and Dimitri looked up at him. He wore that blank expression that was typical for guardians, but even more typical for him.

"Rose," he warned, but right now I didn't care.

"First Tasha and now Emily! What, were you involved with Moira as well?"

"_Rose!_" Dimitri growled and stopped me in my ranting.

"This is none of your business."

I gaped at him. Was he serious? He couldn't possibly be serious!

"You almost slept with me!" I barked, not caring if anyone heard. He had no right to act the way he was.

Anger flashed in his eyes and he turned to me, making me taking a step back. Okay, I might've just crossed the line.

"We've been over this, Rose," he snarled through gritted teeth, and I felt fear rush through me.

"No we have not!" I snapped. I might be a tad bit afraid, but I sure as hell wasn't going to show it. "You said there was nothing to say about it, but guess what? There _is! _We both know the spell wouldn't work if we didn't both want it. You told me you wanted me, but that we couldn't be together. You let it hanging in the air and whenever I bring it up you shut me out. _Not cool!_"

Dimitri still wore that blank expression, and it only added to my fury.

"You pretty much leave me hanging and all of a sudden your ex appears and you're all over her! You can't deny the chemistry between us. You can't deny the ten-"

"ENOUGH!" roared Dimitri, and his blank expression was now filled with about as much fury as mine.

"I made it clear you and I aren't going to happen," he said, his voice low and dangerous. "I told you there was no chance of _us_ ever happening. You need to understand that, Rose. There is never going to be anything between us, and the sooner you realise that the better. Now stop acting childish and _leave_."

I bit back any snarky retort and gave him a final glare before I pushed the door open and stamped my way back to my room.

It was just typical that it had started raining, making my mood even worse.

I forced back sobs, trying my best to ignore the pain of my breaking heart.

Picking up my pace I jogged to my room where I slammed the door shut and leaned against it.

Looking up I tried to prevent my tears from spilling.

_I am not going to be weak,_ I told myself. _I am not going to be weak. I am not going to be weak._

But now matter how much I told myself, I felt the tears run down my cheek and an unwelcomed sob escaped me. I slid down the door to the floor, pulling my legs up to my chin. Hugging my knees, I buried my face in my soaking clothes and, gasping for air, let out the tangle of sobs as my heart broke into several pieces.


	3. Questions

I tapped my fingers lightly on my desk, blocking out everything. I was too lost in my own train of thought.

When I'd come to the gym this morning I'd found a note from Dimitri. He'd cancelled this morning's training, though he said he'd be back for the afternoons. I was pretty sure I knew why he'd cancelled. There were really just two options; Emily or his fight with me. I was leaning a bit against his fight with me. Okay, a lot. I crossed a line, and he was pretty pissed.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop seeing his face. He'd been so angry. Never had I ever seen him so angry.

"Miss Hathaway!"

I barely blinked, taking in Mr Nagy's angry expression. Everyone seemed to be angry with me at the moment.

"As you clearly have no interest in paying attention you might as well leave the class. _Now_."

Giving what I hoped was a frustrated sigh, grabbed my books and walked out into the empty halls. I headed for my room to get rid of my books, trying to figure out what to do for the next hour.

After having changed into my work out clothes, I head for the gym. After having pissed Dimitri off I decided I wanted to make up for it. Yes, he'd been an absolute jerk about the whole thing but it is partly my fault. Partly.

"Rose! Aren't you supposed to be in class?"

Emily's voice snapped me out of my rain of thought and I barely managed to stop before walking into her. She gave me a warm smile, and I did my best to return it.

"I sort of got kicked out…"

Emily laughed, flashing me a wide grin. "Dimka told me you were quite the troublemaker."

I tried not to show my disliking of Emily referring to Dimitri by his nickname, though I could not hide my surprise. "You talked about me?"

"Of course! I hear the two of you have quite the history."

_WHAT?_

I frown, no sure how to respond to that. Dimitri couldn't possibly have told her anything, could he? Surely not after going at me for even bringing it up.

"Sorry?"

"He told me he hauled you and Vasilisa Dragomir back here. He also told me you put up quite the fight."

I scoffed. From my own memory of that day I might've put up a fight but it sure as hell wasn't a good one.

"I bet he also told you how much of a _terrible_ fight it was that I put up."

Emily shook her head. "No, he didn't. He only said you were hanging behind, but that you've already outdone all of your classmates. From what he's told me you are going to be quite the Guardian when you grow up."

"He said that?"

Emily seemed puzzled at why I wouldn't believe, but nodded. "Absolutely. And getting a compliment like that from someone as talented as him… Well, let's just say you should be proud of yourself."

"Have you seen him?"

She shook her head, "not since yesterday. Why?"

So he did cancel because of me then. Weirdly enough there was comfort in knowing that.

"Just curious," I answered, my thoughts distracted. "It was nice talking to you, but I have some extra training to do, so…"

She just gave me a final smile before passing me and I hurried to the gym. When I arrived it was empty, but I expected as much. My training wasn't really supposed to start until another 45 minutes, so I headed out to the tracks and started to run. I still didn't quite get the whole running-thing, but Dimitri had insisted it was essential, and seeing as there wasn't much else I could do on my own, I decided to run non-stop until he would show up.

I'd completely lost track of time and was buried in my own mind to even notice when Dimitri joined me.

"You're early," he stated and I looked up at him, finally realising I wasn't alone.

"I got kicked out of class."

Dimitri shook his head, frustrated apparently.

"How many laps have you done?" he asked instead, keeping off the topic of my reckless behaviour. Smart of him.

"I don't know," I said, "but I've been running for 45 minutes."

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Then I think you're done."

We stopped and I started stretching as Dimitri disappeared back into the gym.

In a matter of minutes, was entering the gym, finding Dimitri setting up obstacles.

I frowned, "what are we doing?"

"You are going to learn staking," he said. My mood brightened immediately.

"I get a stake?"

He gave me an amused glance. "No."

"No?" I pouted.

"No. But you'll be getting this." He walked up to me and handed me a play-knife. I snorted, "Are you serious?"

"Yes."

I looked up at him through my lashes, his god-like features still intact. I pushed on the blade, and it disappeared into the handle. I rolled my eyes.

"This won't do any damage."

"No, it will not," answered Dimitri as he backed off. I frowned. "But it will help you learn how to stake without getting me killed."

My eyes shot up to him from the plastic knife. He was giving me an amused look.

"I get to attack you?" I grinned.

"Yes."

I wasted no time and launched myself at him. I'd been furious with him for so long, and I realised he was giving me the chance to get that anger out.

Dimitri dodged my attack and blocked my next.

"Think of me as a Strigoi," he said, "and focus."

And I did. It might've taken me half an hour, and he might've gone easy on me, but I managed to "stake" him in the end. At least by that time I'd gotten my anger out.

"Well done," said Dimitri as he got up, giving me half a smile. I rarely got a proper one.

"You went easy on me," I complained.

Dimitri shrugged as he started putting everything back in place.

"At least you got your anger out."

"Yeah," I muttered, "how did you know I was mad?"

He craned his neck to look at me, amusement flashing in his eyes. "I know you."

"Like you know Emily?" It was out before I could stop myself, and I bit my lower lip. I already regretted it.

Dimitri turned away, continuing his job. "Just about."

Curious as I am, I pursued, "what does that mean?"

Dimitri sighed as he turned around and leaned against the wall.

"I really don't want to have this discussion, Rose."

I shook my head, "but I do."

Well not really.

Dimitri pinned me down with his chocolate brown eyes, though they were serious.

"We need to talk," I push, and Dimitri's shoulders slump.

"Katarina told me you and Emily became friends when she came to Russia."

"You talked to Katarina?" His tone showed obvious disbelief.

I grimaced, knowing he didn't like that. And he didn't.

"Rose, you had no right to-"

"I was curious, okay? Give me a break…"

Dimitri pressed the bridge of his nose, trying to calm himself.

"Yes, I met Emily when she came to Russia."

"With an internship?"

"With an internship, yes."

"How did you grow so close?" I wasn't even sure if I wanted to know.

"The year she was in Russia was the year her parents turned Strigoi," he said simply, and I knew all colour had drained from my face.

"I helped her get through it."

I just gave a mere nod. Explains why Emily didn't have any scars defending her self like Tasha did. Tasha obviously wouldn't have been able to protect both of them.

"That could easily help someone get closer," I murmured, and Dimitri nodded briefly.

"Did you…" I stumbled over my words, having to take a deep breath. "_Do_ you love her?"


End file.
